Fighting siblings is a common phenomenon in families. While many accept it as part of growing up, it can nonetheless be stressful to all concerned and it can continue into adulthood. Is there a way to resolve the fighting in a way that honors all sides?
Here are some tips to put an end to sibling squabbling for good.
Step in
If you’ve decided you need to play referee in your kids’ fighting, separate them physically to cool off tempers. If the arguing has come to physical blows, it’s pretty clear your kids have not been able to come to an agreement. Don’t feel bad about stepping in and breaking up the brawl. Stepping in not only diffuses the immediate threat, it opens the door to better communication.
Don’t take sides
Remain objective when listing to your kids’ arguments. Wanting to be heard and understood could be the root cause of the fight, so creating an open, caring environment is key to moving forward.
Agree to disagree
If the initial talk does not resolve the conflict, it might be time for your kids to accept their differences. Point out that things are not always black or white. This is where they can take ownership of themselves and recognize that it’s ok to have a different perspective. Teach tolerance and respect.
Show them the way
Give your kids examples where you’ve felt anger or disappointment in life but have had to be loving and compassionate. Sharing your life’s experiences in a non-patronizing way can help them know there is another way to be in this world.
One on one time
Find the time, later on or another day, to be with one child. This is an opportunity to have a two-way conversation about the fighting. Listen without talking and then ask then how they would like to resolve the argument in a compassionate way. You may find they know exactly how to express themselves and solve the issue during this calm reflective moment.
Kids can disagree but they don’t have to end up fighting. Open, clear communication is the way forward and, if taught and shown from a young age, can be a skill that becomes second nature. An end to fighting siblings is the beginning to life of a happy, healthy relationships.
