What, when, why, and how? These are not questions for your child; they are cues to help parents engage their school-aged children in satisfying conversations.

askingWhat

Ask fairly specific questions that require an answer other than yes or no. Many things happen in a child’s day. Your questions can help your child organize and remember his day. Replace “How was your day?” with

  • “Who did you play with at recess?”
  • “Did anything funny happen at lunch?”
  • “What would be different if we lived in (a country he is studying)?”
  • “Why do you think your teacher chose that book to read in class?”

When

The best time to talk is when your child is ready. Some children spend the ride home detailing their day while others need alone time or a snack before saying a word. Respect your child’s needs and cues. Don’t push when he’s not in the mood to talk and don’t start conversations when she’s engaged in something else, like reading a book or preparing to call a friend.

Listen for conversation openers. If your child asks a question or shares information, let that emerge into a conversation. If you respond when your child is ready to talk, she is more likely to initiate future conversations.

Establish informal patterns that encourage conversations—talk on the drive to sports practice, while making dinner or cleaning up, during an evening walk or nightly card game, or while hanging out in the kids’ rooms before bed. Create predictable opportunities for conversations and keep those opportunities open.

Why

What is your reason for asking about school? Is it to

  • reconnect after a day-long separation?
  • gather information about school, tasks, or responsibilities?
  • check in on your child’s social and emotional well-being?
  • let your child know you care about what’s happening in his life?

Tailor questions to the reason you’re asking them.

How

Engage fully with your child, listen to his verbal and nonverbal communication, and reflect back what you hear. Ask nonjudgmental questions and respond with nonjudgmental observations. Don’t glance at your phone or computer. The most valuable gift you can give your child is your undivided attention.