When your child embarrasses or disappoints you, know that this is not their intention. Your embarrassment or disappointment is due to how YOU interpret what they do (or say), it is how YOU feel. Meanwhile your child is doing their best to handle their own feelings in the situation as it occurs to them.
So, what do you need to do? Put your own feeling aside – not easy, but remember how much you love that child, it will give you the strength to do that at that moment. And when you feel that love again, explore your child’s feeling that’s making them, or made them, act the way they do/did. Do that as soon as possible, by talking to them. Don’t talk when you are mad (feel that love first) and make sure your body language matches your words. Don’t scold and then hug, or give mixed messages. Make your child feel that you are there to support them no matter what and that you would like to understand how they feel/or felt when they behaved in that way that surprised you. Ask them how they feel but don’t insist if they cannot tell you (they may not know), and tell them clearly how you would like them to behave but again don’t insist if they cannot oblige just then. Simply see that they are doing their best for now. Take an empathetic stance and imagine what they could be feeling. Whatever it is, it will pass. When your child is very small, or when words are not available, often hugs will work marvels. The world is an even bigger place for a little one and they sometimes require your reassurance unexpectedly. Don’t be embarrassed or disappointed. Be honoured. You are needed!
If your child will not talk or hug, tell them you need a hug (because it’s true) and wait for them to come. Your child may act very grown up at times but they are still a child (even teenagers!) and it’s all too easy to forget that, especially if you have another younger child. Growing up is not a linear development; it’s often like taking two steps forward and one backwards, but on the whole, it is progress. We all have times when we feel small!
