Reasonable parent – wise child
Reasonable parents bring up wise children.
3 rules for making your reasons clear to your child:
- Say what you mean
Explain why your child is, or not, to do something by giving reasons that are factual and positive.
For example, turn “no, we cannot stay at Madeleine’s” into “we have to go home because … and that way, we can come back to madeleine’s another day”
Or simply “I cannot hear my friend talk when you make that noise” If your child has a pressing need for your attention, and this happens more frequently when they are small, you may have to apologise to your friend and address that need first (because you are the reasonable one).
- Mean what you say
Your child needs boundaries to feel secure. Your role is to set boundaries and your child’s role is to test them. Do not let your child change the rules you set out or push the boundaries.
Make sure you don’t overuse the words NO or STOP. These are strong emergency words which will only work if they do not get abused. Be factual, positive, and mean it. Be clear, be firm.
- Be congruent
Don’t change your mind because they are cute. If you think it’s not important then don’t bother asking your child in the first place.
If you said something you did not mean, tell them you made a mistake. If you change your mind about something, give them your reasons. If you think they have a point, tell them.
And of course don’t do yourself what you tell them not to do.
