How To Foster Robust Attachment With Your Child

Your relationship with your child creates the platform for all of your child’s future relationships. It’s simple and yet overwhelming. Our goal as a parent is to foster “secure attachment” with our child. This means that your child feels emotionally secure in their relationship with you such that they can go out into the world and feel confident, and then come back to you when they want (or need) to emotionally connect with you. The following are specific daily strategies that will support secure attachment with your child:

  • Start your child’s day with loving affect, which may include your facial expression, your body language, your words and your physical affection.
  • Create a dedicated play time with your child daily, where you follow your child’s lead and engage in shared pleasurable activities. No multi-tasking. This play together is literally the emotional ‘glue’ that will grow your relationship.
  • Minimize screen time and maximize engagement with people, creative play, and daily household tasks together.
  • Become a master at reading your child’s non-verbal cues.
  • Be consistently present and available to reflect and process your child’s emotions.
  • Be empathetic to your child’s emotions (even if you don’t agree with their actions). Your child wants to feel understood by you.
  • Foster your child’s expression of a wide range of emotions.
  • Use your affect to support your child to calm when he has heightened emotions.
  • Slow down the pace of your day and week. Don’t overschedule so you can be available to share and process daily events together.
  • Help your child problem-solve around her daily emotions. This gives her the experience and skills to navigate the world when you aren’t there.
  • Create a positive home environment.
  • Cultivate daily and weekly shared rituals with your child that are pleasurable.
  • Be aware of your own background and the way you were parented, and be deliberate about including the strategies that will foster a secure attachment with your child. J