By Tani Toprakci, M.Ed
The quickest way to build self-esteem in school is to show a child that they can do something and then help them become independent. I call these “banks of successes,” and the more moments of success a child has in their “academic bank,” the more confidence and self-esteem they will have in academics and school.
A simple math sheet done, getting their thoughts down on paper—one math problem, one sentence written—especially when these things were challenging, are all little successes they can put into their academic bank of success. It’s not always as conscious and explicit as that, but every little success in their school work adds up over time to build self-esteem.
For students who are successful in school, this tends to come naturally. For kids who struggle, they need support that shows schoolwork can be done with ease. They need to learn how they learn, so they can apply their unique process in the classroom. Over time, this process helps build self-esteem in school.
Setting up a consistent homework time and sitting next to a child who struggles while they do their school work, is the quickest way to help them feel successful. Maybe for the first worksheet, you sit there and help them with every single problem on that page until completed. The next time, you can help them with most of the problems, then just a few, and eventually, they do it on their own.
There is a difference between helping them learn the process and giving them the answers! Even if I’m helping a child through the entire worksheet, I will frequently make sure they can set up the problem or do some section of the work on their own. As they are learning a new skill and working towards independence with someone next to them checking their understanding, a child incorporates new information fully and in turn helps them feel more sure of themself.
In over two decades of teaching, I have come to realize that academic success has very little to do with ability and more to do with perception of ability. For a child with a closed mindset that believes school is hard and they can’t do it, new information and falling behind the pace of the class negatively affects their self-esteem. When a child knows they can figure out new information presented at school, they have the self-esteem to approach the new information that is inherently new to them! They have an open mindset and an underlying internal dialogue that says, “I can do this. I can figure this out.” And really, this is what self-esteem in school is all about.
Tani Toprakci, M.Ed is an education consultant and founder of the learning program, The Toprakci Method: Creating Confident Learners. tanitutors.com. Follow her on Instagram @creatingconfidentlearners.
