We all come into life with certain capacities that come easily to us. These are commonly referred to as strengths, and they are important to recognize and to learn how to lean into. They are not, however, the end of the story. We all can develop parts of ourselves, and having a mindset that recognizes our ability to grow in different ways is an important part of being able to overcome challenges that we will inevitably face.
Research has shown that there are two kinds of mindsets developed in childhood, known as growth mindset and fixed mindset.
Those with a fixed mindset believe that we are born with a certain level of intelligence, definitive ability, or skill and that these things don’t change. When someone with a fixed mindset makes a mistake, they think of it as a failure. With this type of thinking, challenges often feel insurmountable, and most often giving up seems to be the only course of action.
People with a growth mindset believe that by working hard, they can develop the skills they need to overcome the challenges they face. Their way of thinking is that if they’re not good at something, they can work at it and become better able to do that thing.
Adults can benefit just as much as kids can, and there’s a lot parents can do to foster a growth mindset in their keiki.
- Help them understand that making mistakes is a normal part of learning. Mistakes don’t mean failure, it means they’ve discovered one way that doesn’t work.
- Talk with them about what you do when you feel discouraged. Let them see that you are capable of feeling that emotion, and also show them that you can re-engage in the process of finding a way to work through a challenge.
- Discuss successes and failures. Dive deeper into stories that show challenges that were overcome, and also how that happened.
- Reminisce about challenges you’ve faced. Don’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not.
- Develop awareness about how you speak to your keiki. Praise them for giving their best effort, and avoid praising them as artistic, athletic, or smart. These imply static traits that aren’t changeable. Instead, shift the script to noticing and encouraging the effort that goes into playing a sport, being curious about how they combined colors or textures in their artwork, or spending time trying to work out a math problem or learn new words.
Cultivating a growth mindset in yourself will expand your capacity to meet the challenges you’ll face. But by helping your keiki do the same, you’ll give them a lifelong gift.
