By Benjamin Thompson, MD, Behavioral Health, Pacific Permanente Group
As parents, we want the holidays to be special for our kids — sharing favorite traditions, watching them open gifts, or putting up the most magical light display. But holiday stress can affect kids as much as adults, and the pressure for everything to feel perfect doesn’t always help. For children who split time between homes, stay with relatives, or move from place to place, the back-and-forth can leave them feeling anxious and exhausted.
Why Kids Get Stressed Over the Holidays
The holidays can be overwhelming: bright lights, music everywhere, crowded gatherings, and endless activity. Even kids who love the season can become worn out. Dressing up, posing for photos, and being asked to be on their “best behavior” can feel like pressure rather than fun.
School breaks bring more disruption — later bedtimes, irregular meals, and time away from friends. For some keiki, this season brings sadness more than excitement. Many are still processing hardships from the last two years — losing homes, changing schools, or saying goodbye to friends. These unspoken griefs often resurface, making the holidays emotionally heavier. Children who spend the season moving between households may feel pulled in different directions, trying to meet everyone’s expectations. A family plan and good communication between homes can help them feel secure. It’s always about the kids — not the adults.
Signs Your Keiki May Be Struggling
Some children will say when they feel stressed, but younger kids often show it through behavior. These signs are often a child’s way of asking for reassurance and stability. Watch for:
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Emotional outbursts or big reactions
- Irritability or crankiness
- Withdrawal from family activities
- Acting out or seeking attention
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches
What You Can Do to Help
Holiday stress is easier to manage when routines and emotional safety are restored.
- Keep a routine. Stick to regular waking, meal, and bedtime schedules as much as possible.
- Communicate. Check in with your kids and let them know their feelings matter. When adults coordinate plans ahead of time, children feel less tension.
- Dial down the pressure. Focus on simple, joyful moments rather than a perfect holiday.
- Create a family plan. Let kids choose one or two activities that matter most and drop events that add stress.
- Support their physical needs. Sleep and healthy meals go a long way toward emotional stability.
- Stay active and schedule downtime. Balance busy days with rest and play.
- Be their reservoir. Model calm, gratitude, and patience. Let your children see that challenges can be met with hope and kindness.
- Take care of yourself. When you are rested and centered, your kids feel it too.
With realistic expectations, open communication, and space for both rest and connection, you can help your keiki feel secure and experience the season with joy — no matter where they spend the holidays. For more tips and resources, visit mauihealth.org/keikiholiday.
