A child asserting herself is a normal part of development; at younger ages it can be a way of a child developing a sense
- Plan ahead with your child–use a daily and or weekly calendar to talk about what is coming up and review it daily
- Talk in advance about how things will go for specific upcoming events …. Include details–this is where your child will let you know what she doesn’t like and you can begin to problem solve in advance!
- Be clear and consistent with boundaries
- Give choices of 2 (you get to choose the choices) so that your child feels he has some say
- Take “a break” when you or your child is in a heightened state
- Make sure your child is calm before doing any negotiating or problem solving together
- Use a whiteboard or piece of paper to draw pictures or map out options
- Have a range of ways for your child to communicate her idea (drawing, talking, comic strip…)
- Avoid saying no–try to say what your child can do, not what he can’t
- Empathize with your child’s perspective (even if you don’t agree)… repeat it back to her so she then knows you understand her perspective
- Identify the emotion you think your child feels (this helps your child begin to talk about feelings rather than just reacting)
- Let your child know it is ok to have a wide range of emotions, including being angry and model or offer suggestions on acceptable ways to communicate it
- Be “perplexed” in order to engage your child in problem-solving (rather than finding solutions for him)
- Pace your day–give your child time to transition between activities.
Kiegan Blake is an Occupational Therapist, Behavioral Specialist and Director of Maui Center For Child Development. For more information, please call (808) 873-7700 or MauiChildDevelopment.com