Today, I would like to talk about two main parenting styles I observe around me.
First, the lenient and stressed out parent who avoids discipline and does not seem to cope.
Second, the reliable and relaxed parent who sets clear boundaries and sticks to them, calmly and consistently.
It is interesting to note that although in both cases parent styles seem to be in opposition with parent attitude, they are not. How does that work? Well, each attitude is in fact the direct effect of the parent style. Indeed, it appears that stress is the by-product of too much lenience, and peace the by-product of clarity and reliability.
And the question is obvious: which would you rather be?
No one I know wants to be a stressed out parent, but are they doing the right things? Being relaxed does not mean acting relaxed…
Everyone would rather be the relaxed parent but that’s not directly in our hands. If we want to have a relaxed attitude and be that parent, we need to do the right things always, without exception. That’s what being reliable means.
Being relaxed comes from being reliable and that means ALWAYS acting conspicuously, clearly, vigilantly, dependably, calmly and consistently. When you do that, then you are that parent. And the more you do it, the more you are that parent. And if you notice yourself slip, do not give yourself a hard time about it; just correct yourself immediately, as you would expect your child to do it for him/herself.
One more thing I noticed is that the more you expect (from yourself or your child) the more you get. So enjoy expecting if you can appreciate the results you get, without giving yourself or your child a hard time. Although it requires focus and consciousness, it’s not hard work being relaxed!
