What were you thinking?…
Sound like a familiar question you ask your teen? The adolescent years are filled with opportunities for young people to make some kolohe (rascal/mischievous) choices. Then, they either experience a favorable outcome or some painful consequences. Just in the last 50 years, researchers have discovered that the brain keeps developing past the childhood years. In fact, completion/full connection happens later, around the mid-twenties. The part of the brain (prefrontal cortex) that controls mood regulation, rationalization, impulsive decision making, insight, and judgment, is the last part to develop and connect.
The emotional center of the brain, also known as the limbic system, goes off during this time. Teens experience emotion at a heightened level. The feelings of love, disdain, hurt and shame are experienced with greater magnitude.
Understanding brain development is helpful in understanding why your teen is making the choices they’re making. Here are 3 tips families can practice as their teens go through this growing and exciting phase of their life. The first is to role model the type of behavior you want to see your teens having. Adolescents are watching your every move; it may not seem like they are, but they are! Secondly, teens need repetition. Repeat expectations, rules and values. They might not necessarily want to hear them, but it’s critical in their development. Consistency goes hand in hand with repetition. Don’t let their adult-looking bodies fool you; they are still much like children in that they need a clear and consistent message about what is expected of them. Lastly, spend some quality time doing something THEY like to do. Want to influence their decision making? Build a closer relationship.
Yvonne Manupuna is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Ohana Wellness Maui LLC. Her specialty is in working with Maui teens and their families to navigate the challenges of adolescence. www.ohanawellnessmaui.com or (808) 866-4892 for more information.
