The dilemma with parenting the quiet child is when to let your child take the lead and how much to push them past their comfort zone. Often shy children have a desire to try new experiences but the experience may evoke large feelings that overwhelm them.

As such, you may see that your sensitive child avoids risks when you know that he would likely enjoy new experiences. Your child needs opportunities to engage in new experiences in small increments that build on each other, creating a momentum based on sequential successes. Your child’s momentum forward will be based on small exposures, paired with a supportive environment and with people your child trusts. It is under these circumstances that you will see your child blossom. Here are some specific strategies:

  1. Expose your child to a wide range of experiences and activities; this gently stretches him by creating a wide pallet of comfortable activities
  2. Allow your child to observe first; this gives her a sense of control and allows her to see & feel the activity without pressure. Your child may need several exposures before she feels comfortable joining
  3. Break activities into small steps and allow your child to achieve success with each step.
  4. Create opportunities for your child to do the successful step repeatedly to build his own sense of his competency
  5. Expand your child past her success one step at a time
  6. Let your child know you will progress at their pace- this allows him to feel Safe and Trust you which will allow him to take risks
  7. Create a structure that requires participation but with choices. For example, he needs to engage in 1 activity after school from a menu of 4 choices
  8. Positively reinforce Initiation & Participation
  9. Focus on 1 to 1 activities and move to small group as your child feels comfortable
  10. Have your child take individual lessons or experiences to build confidence before joining a group activity

Help your child embrace their shyness and create strategies to enjoy a rich array of experiences, take risks and achieve their full potential.