By Kiegan Blake, OT
Often we think of “bad behavior” in terms of poor compliance and needing more discipline. While a child may use behavior to test boundaries, often it is the child’s way of communicating something important to you. Your child may have big feelings that she doesn’t know how to express, and so it comes out in what seems to be mystifying behavior.
It is first important to establish, what is the pattern of behavior? Does it happen at a certain time of day? Or a certain time during the week? Or in particular contexts? For example, you notice that tantrums happen only during the morning routine, or only on Mondays, or just on P.E. days. Have there been changes in your child’s routine?
Finally, you need to consider your own responsiveness to tricky behaviors. If you find that you escalate with your child, you may be fueling the behavior. If you just ignore the behavior, your child may use bigger behavior to get your attention. Does your child get lots of hugs, do they get to avoid a demand, or do they get a break? Sometimes behavior is increased (or decreased) by the reaction it receives.
Here are some reminders:
- Behavior is often a way to communicate a need.
- When you have a behavior you don’t want (hitting), identify the behavior you do want (using your words) and focus on that.
- Avoid vague descriptions of behavior, such as “act respectfully.” Be specific – for instance, “When I call your name please stop and turn around to look at me.”
- Remember to positively reinforce the behaviors you want!